Miss Madness

phandomphightclub

Round 1 Results: Prelude

a 2011-era self-insert crackfic ft. @dannyphandump, @ectolights, @babypop-phantom (mod Vic), @what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me, @dannyphantomphandom and @phantombreadproject (I hope no one is offended by this lol)

(Also known as “Mod Tali can’t curse and also repeatedly roasts herself”)

“So, uh… nice place you got,” Danny said, taking a long look at the inside of the the Denny’s. To be honest, he wished he’d taken a shorter look. What were those lights supposed to be? Some version of himself but shaped like a slug? Scratch that; he didn’t want to know. Bad enough that he noticed his human face plastered all over the curtains… with some expression that looked both void of emotion and like it was staring into his soul. He shuddered and turned back to the ghost who’d invited him to this weird place.

“Thanks!” Tali said, grinning like she hadn’t noticed his thinly-veiled concern. “Are you hungry? We’ve got some great cook in the back. Dots can even make a chocolate graveyard with a Shrek face on it-”

“NoreallyI’mfinethanks,” he said in one breath, raising his hands. He’d smelled what was coming out of that kitchen, and he was pretty sure if he valued his afterlife he should keep his distance. Except now he did pick up the savory scent of dumplings. Still, better not risk it. He wasn’t here for food, anyway.

“Uh, what I mean is, didn’t you need me for something?” He asked, seeing the disappointment on Tali’s face. She suddenly brightened again.

“Right! Come on, it’s this way.” She rolled towards the back door - were those heelys she was wearing? He’d always wanted a pair of those. His mom had been convinced he’d slip and break a bone if he’d had them. Honestly, she was probably right.

He followed the strangely excited ghost through the back door, passing some counter labeled “betting booth” on the way. What were they betting on? If the food here would kill them or not?

Once he stepped outside though, things began to make more sense. And less. How had he not seen this on his way in? The ghost zone was strange; maybe this was some kind of lair hidden from the outside. Whatever the case, where it had looked like a parking lot should be instead was a giant stadium rimmed with floodlights and football-style bleachers.

“Are you inviting me to the ghost zone’s soccer league?” Danny asked with a confused frown. Sure, he’d finally gotten on good terms with most of the ghosts he knew, but Tali and the other denizens of the Denny’s were still strangers to him. Could this all be some kind of elaborate trap? Maybe he should’ve listened to Sam and Tuck and not accepted the invite after all.

But Tali just laughed. “Not exactly.”

Suddenly another ghost flew up to them, holding a small slip of paper in their hands. Tali grinned and gave them a high-five.

“You did it?”

“Yep. We can’t have any unauthorized ghosts in the stadium.” The new ghost turned to Danny, holding out… was that an ID card? “Welcome to the Phight, Danny Phantom.”

His eyes widened as he looked down at the paper ID - his ID. Where had they gotten that picture of him? It was the same haunting one that graced the curtains of the Denny’s. Ghost Zone Identification Pass, it said at the top. Below were listed his “weapon of choice” and “most powerful skill” - ectoblasts and bad puns, respectively.

“Hey, my puns are great,” he corrected. Then he read the “additional information” also listed. “50% alive, 50% dead, and 100% ready to throw down.”

“Pretty accurate, right?” The new ghost smiled. “If you want it laminated, go talk to Lumanae over in the Phighter’s Lounge. We used all our budget on the renovations so we couldn’t afford another laminating machine.”

“Thanks, Mod Vic!” Tali called as the ghost - Vic - saluted and flew back to the top of the stadium. Danny shook his head, still as confused as before.

“Look, can you just tell me what’s going on? I’m finally on top of my schoolwork for once, but I still don’t have time to hang out at some metaphysical Denny’s all night.”

“Right, right.” Tali coughed, looking sheepish. “Sorry. I like suspense. But anyway! Welcome to the Phandom Phight Club!”

As she said that, she spread her arms wide, and the floodlights flashed on all at once. Danny flinched back from the blinding light, but not before seeing Vic give Tali a thumbs-up from high above.

“Uh, isn’t the first rule of Fight Club not to talk about Fight Club?” Danny asked with a frown. Tali sighed, apparently disappointed that he wasn’t impressed.

“It’s not that kind of fight club. It’s a crappy tumblr posting tournament-”

“A shitpost tournament,” someone called from across the stadium. Upon closer investigation, she was carrying a baguette over her shoulder like a sword for some reason. Danny was starting to wonder if this Denny’s was where Walker threw all the ghosts who were too weird for his prison.

“Yeah, what Bread said,” Tali said sheepishly. “All the Phighters threw their crappy memes at each other, but now it’s time to for them to brawl out in the ring. That’s where you come in.”

“Me?” Danny asked, a million concerns flashing through his head. “Oh no. I’m not fighting any more ghosts tonight. I already tossed the Box Ghost back in here and-”

“Oh, no, don’t worry about that.” Tali waved her hands. “We don’t want you to fight. We were just hoping you could be a guest spectator for the Phight. We kind of, uh, advertised you’d be here.”

“You - you used me for advertising?”

“Well, it’s called the Phandom Phight Club for a reason,” Tali defended, though she ruffled her hair and looked away. At first Danny thought it was out of embarrassment, but then he saw she was looking at someone. “Ectolights! Thanks,” she said, accepting a glass of milk from the waiter, who was had a sticky note stuck to her forehead.

“No problem, boss. Does Danny want anything?”

Danny sighed - as cheery as Tali seemed, he had a feeling she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. If he was going to be here for a while, he might as well get something to eat out of it.

“Did I smell dumplings in there?”

Ectolights nodded. “Dannyphantomphandom cooks them homemade.”

What kind of name was that? Whatever, it was probably better not to ask.

“I’ll take six of them,” he said instead. Ectolights jotted that down on a different sticky note, stuck it to her forehead too, and then went back into the Denny’s.

“So you’re staying?” Tali smirked.

“Yeah, sure. At least it won’t be me getting beat up for once,” he muttered under his breath. “So when’s this ‘Phight’ start?”

Suddenly the industrial-sized stadium speakers began blaring the most obnoxious mix of music he’d ever heard. So obnoxious, in fact, he wasn’t sure he could tell what it was. Like five different songs had been mashed together - through his bleeding eardrums, he caught snippets of Toto’s Africa, a saxophone, Never Gonna Give You Up, Numb by Linkin Park, something from Seinfeld, the Bill Nye theme, and even his own theme song.

“Considering what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me just started up the Phight music, I’d say now.” Tali flashed him a grin. “Ready to take your seat?”

Starting later tonight or tomorrow, we’ll be posting the results of round 1 of the Phight! Each pair of contestants will get a short writeup of their battle, as viewed by our honored guest Danny Phantom. Stay tuned!

dannyphantomphandom

oml, bless 🙏

~~also, y'all can just call me dpp (all capitalized), lmao. usually go by danny, but dpp’s what i go by in the phandom cuz… too confusing with our danny to have me be danny, pfft.~~

aLsO cAn i pLeAsE bRinG mY uNicoRn tO wOrk?!

i want my pet unicorn by my side 😔👊

phandomphightclub

You can bring your unicorn DPP!

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

god put me on this world and said “let this dumbass roam”

Round 1 Results: Prelude